10 most annoying things @ being a vamp’s girlfriend

November 17, 2009 at 11:12 pm Leave a comment

by Linda Holmes of npr.org

You probably know that this Friday is the day The Twilight Saga: New Moon premieres — and if you don’t, plenty of people around you do. Once again, we will be treated to vampire-human romance and melodrama.

And in the tradition of our Ten Most Annoying Things About Being A Time-Traveler’s Wife, we present the Ten Most Annoying Things About Being A Vampire’s Girlfriend.

1. Never sleeping means spending extensive time buying coffins on eBay and updating Facebook status with “Sooooooo bored and thirsty.” (“Dracula and 609 others like this.”)

2. Constantly tries to win arguments with, “When you’re six hundred years old, you’ll understand.”

3. Insists that your blood tastes fine, but cannot stop talking about taste of previous girlfriend’s blood as “not really better, but different.”

4. Devouring the unwary even less fun at family reunions than Balderdash.

5. Red-eye in every picture.

6. Companion with sparkling, marble-like skin likely to overshadow “bling” at prom and wedding.

7. Because of mind-reading ability, wins every game of Battleship and then dances around bragging about it.

8. Friends who are “animal-only” vampires total downers; make vegans look like bacon-gobbling hedonists.

9. Won’t stay and talk over problems; stomps off to pout in a tree.

10. Moody. Really, really, really moody. Poet moody. Drummer moody.

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